NeilConner.co.uk

I am on leave at the moment and it has worked out well. Those that know me well, are aware that I do not really like leave. It gives time to realise that I enjoy my job more than I sometimes think, and there is not that much back home (other than family and a couple good friends) to keep me here.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days that I wish I didn’t have to go to work and wish I was on leave but being home nails it home that work is the way forward.

So I took the first weekend near to work, allows me to see mates outside of work hours and a good friend was having drinks for her birthday. So I thought best that I stayed there and showed my face. An interesting evening to say the least – hahaha, anyway. ^_^

So I got back home, after a shit de-tour around a closed road that made DaveDave send me through every mud covered backroad known to man. Went straight to bed as I was shattered, which was delayed as I have a new addiction that is eating up the time I put aside for sleeping… Championship Manager.

I got 2010 for Mac a while back, after having a bit of a daydream about times past. Since announcing that I have been playing it again over the last week or so, it seems others have joined in. A couple mates from down this part of the country have started too. Josh is flying at the top of the Premiership with Portsmouth and I believe that Myk is enjoying the challenges at Aldershot. Fair one. Myself? I have just got Brighton through the play-offs to the Championship, with some difficulty. However the money is finally flowing and new players are coming in thick and fast. It’s early days in the second season but we’ll see how we get on.

Just downloaded quite the tune… The Animals – ‘The House of the Rising Sun’.

So I got down to watch Brighton annihilate Plymouth 4-0 on Tuesday, and I have spent the last couple days on a mission with Tails seeing peoples. Managed to see a few, I have a couple more yet to see before I pop smoke on the South this Saturday. Thinking of getting some peeps together for some beer and pool tomorrow night. Should be a good way to end the week, especially after the funny day I have had down Bournemouth and its beach today. ^_^

So, I have just thrown my dinner down my grid. Think I might head out and get my social on.

Please aid in my Twitter Trend Request – add #championshipmanager to your tweets. Thanks.

Laters.
Conn. ^_^

Just a quick post announcing that the Gallery is back IAW. New pics have been uploaded into the Night, Day, Animals and iPhone Sets. Also a few Afghan pics have made the cut and are in a new Set too. You can find it all over there on the right ^_^ Woop. There are a few random pics displayed there too. Feel free to leave comments on them. Cheers!!!

Well that is that, I’m off to wash Tails as she is filthy.

Laters Peoples.
Conn. ^_^

I have been doing my own thing this weekend and I have enjoyed it. I’d like to say that things are looking up, I guess they are – everyone has down times, that is life. But I know I’ll hit a couple more low points before I go away, got a couple things that I need to overcome and sort out before I depart the country.

Ok, so as of this weekend, I’ve decided to temporarily give up drinking. Gen eyebrows. It is not that I don’t enjoy a drink, I do, it’s just until I sort myself out properly then I need to lay off of it. All it does is get me down.

However, I have found a new feel-good calling. Basketball with some sick Dubstep in your ears. It equals serious good times. My iPhone in the pocket and my WESCs on the ears, it is bliss. My sister advised me on a new album to get… insert quick advert here… Mix Master Mike – ‘Napalm Rockets’ is a free download. 39 tracks of pure ear love and you cannot argue with free LEGAL music.

Other music related news includes, the purchase of DJ Hero 2. Mainly because I’d seen a couple clips on YouTube of the mighty Deadmau5 tracks that are included. Also very impressed with the option of being able to choose Joel as a character. Had a couple hours on that this afternoon – good times with loud beats. Eff Tea Double-you.

Quick one, the Gallery is back in and working. Using a WordPress Plugin, my Flickr account has been dragged to the blog. BOOM Insta-Gallery lol. I’ll make a couple amendments in the next couple days and then I will update it with more photos (the ones from Afghan plus a couple others).
Then I can get my camera out again. Hooray – time to get back into this properly. More positivity there! Woop.

Anyway, it is fast approaching midnight and I have to sort some things out. Hope peeps are good.

…in a bit.
Conn. ^_^

Just a point to note, I’ll probably blog properly later today.

I am now on leave. Great…NOT. I don’t have anything planned. I have not bothered with a fair few people back home, so there have been no plans to create. To be honest I am not saddened by this, as I couldn’t really care less. The lack of plans thing can always be overcome, I have headphones, kicks and a basketball if things get intolerable. There are still a couple of people back home that I will endeavour to see over the next week or so, those that I know are proper mates. The rest…MEH.

(The WoofSub in my room is throwing out some serious noise this morning – like!)

In other news, I know that you read this – so I’ll be polite.
I really shouldn’t let this affect me as much as it is, but I know that although we have been “Two bodies completely missing each other at every available chance”, the dream is shattered. The hope that it will fall into place is gone, it will never happen now. The chance was missed.
Most of that text was bullshit and you know it. However, I know that you were truthful in one part and I already knew that you were giving things another go elsewhere. That was obvious. It is nice to see that you got straight back to it, good luck. I’ll be here, going straight back to nothing.

What are the chances that we meet up in the next 10 days? Slim to none… however much I want to.

Apologies to those still trying to sleep, but this song needs to be very loud.

Out!

Struggling to get this going tonight. I know what I want to write about but I just can’t get the words down. So I’ll ramble until it clicks into place.

The Social Network came out on DVD today. Had to get it, the film is ace. Saw it a couple times in cinema and on the flight back from Canada in January. Wicked Skill Film.

Hmmm Canada, I now look at that 2 weeks and wish deeply to forget it. It wasn’t the time away that I want to forget, it was everything that went on outside of it. Learning things from home that I didn’t know and now wish I didn’t. Things would be so much different now, I don’t think I would be half as offset as I am at the moment.
The thing is… nothing happened. Nothing grew out of what went on back home. But the fact that it all came out in the open, made me feel like I had opened up a little too much. I chose a difference approach to things, usually I get too involved. Thinking that was the reason why I was still not with anybody, I thought I’d back off. Let things run its course. That evidently didn’t get me anywhere either. My feeling about it all, from those years ago – all the way up to now, have not changed. If anything they grew fonder. Which is not what I need right now.
After what I heard, a feeling (however strong or not) was shared at some point. The Atom that I watched fly past me at the wrong times for so long could have finally been on the path to collision. Inside, I locked on. This was it, bracing myself for whenever it was going to happen. No. Missed.

The thing is, not being able to get what you want only makes you want it more. Unfortunately, with how it all went down, and me not making the effort anywhere near as much as I wanted, it now reads that it wont. Literally.
The last couple months of 20Ten were rock bottom for me as a whole. Especially in the run up to Christmas. Who would have thought that on NYE a glimmer could be seen. New Year. On The Up. Nope.

I find myself back in that place. I had shrugged this off, I thought. But it is amazing where a couple songs, a thought or two and a wrong read can lead you. It shouldn’t bug me, but it does. I felt like this once before and getting away for a few months made things right. I’m relying on this trip to New Zealand to sort me out. We’ll see.

On the whole. I had a good couple days at home over the weekend. Apologies for not telling people that I was coming back. Just didn’t want to, if I’m honest. Kept Tails out of sight for the most part. She’s quite distinctive, and had to adopt a couple different routes to common locations lol. Worked alright I think. Stealth.

Maybe evasion is an idea? If I just avoid it all then it won’t happen. I’ll become a recluse and get intimate with a cat in my darkened room. haha. I have Simon’s Cat but it’s not wise. :/

Soooo… Going to fall asleep to The Social Network now. Night.

I am really not finding anything constructive to say on here at the moment.
I have the real urge to write but this is not the place to do it. I know that is backwards, a blog is where writing should take place. Blogging is an excellent way to express what is going on in your head. However, if I did even know where to start (which I don’t still), it probably wouldn’t make sense but would cause people to consider shooting themselves out of depression.

I need this trip to New Zealand to hurry itself up. I have a little over a month to wait yet, but if it got moved to tomorrow – I’d be ecstatic. There is something inside that clicks into place when I can get a few thousand miles away from the UK. Don’t get me wrong, I love this place. I would want to live nowhere else, but fuck me it can be shite. I guess like anywhere really.
I have spent well over 18 months out of the last 3 and a bit years overseas, I have no idea what I would have done without all that time away.
It is a great feeling to come back home again though, shame that feeling lasts about a week… then I tend to book myself onto the next available opportunity and pop smoke as soon as.

I find being away is an ace way to just fuck all the aforementioned ‘shite’ off. Look at things from a different view/country/continent. It makes me realise what is important, who the important people are and gives me a sense of direction on a big scale.

I’d happily spend half the year, every year away from here. (with a deer that can cheer and sneer with a beer – sorry, had to carry that on. It amused me for a second)
Being away gives me a sense of achievement (mostly), like I am actually doing something worthwhile. However, short-lived once I touch down in the UK again. Things make sense away form home, nothing is complicated.
Back in the UK, everything is just so much more challenging, time consuming, boring, emotional, highly frustrating and generally negative as a whole. It still wouldn’t stop me living here… we drive on the correct side of the road, I have a season ticket for Brighton and most people speak some level of English.

It is near midnight, I know I won’t sleep… again… so I’m off to lower my IQ a little and stare at the tele.

Conn.

Reference last post… I hit that emotional barrier big time saturday night. I apologise massively to those that witnessed it and all that happened. I have only ever done that once before and that was on my leave during Iraq. I am so sorry… However, I’ll thank a couple people for listening to my outburst and of whom gave me some advice. It was well registered in my head and, over time, I will honour it. However, being back where I sit now has brought me down again. Time to sleep it off… probably best… it is nearly 0200.

I hope to be back writing properly in a couple days, once the routine sets in. It is times like this that I thank my job for the direction it gives me.

Night.
Conn

I know I havn’t posted for a while, the Internet in France was shocking and I havnt had the time since I’ve been back to get something decent together. I still need to sort the gallery out too, arrgghh forgot about that. For Fuck Sake. I have written a couple posts remotely, but they don’t seem relevant anymore.

I’ll be on track in the coming days (hopefully), I’m about to hit a wall of emotion any minute and once I’ve hurdled that I’ll get the laptop out again.

See you soon…?